


.healing

by AkaToMidori



Series: Over [3]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaToMidori/pseuds/AkaToMidori
Summary: Aiba lifted his eyes from his phone. Sho was smiling timidly at him with his lunch box in his hands. He looked so small, Aiba thought, almost curling in on himself, teeth nervously biting at his lips, arms tightly sticking to his body, making the curve of his sloping shoulders stand out even more.
Relationships: Aiba Masaki/Sakurai Sho
Series: Over [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582684
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31
Collections: Sakuraiba Tanabata 2019-2020





	.healing

**Author's Note:**

> _Jan 10_  
>  Prompt: “Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”

Sitting in the backstage of one of their concerts’ domes, Aiba was reading up on articles for his next interview with an athlete for one of their programs. As usual, he was trying to memorize as much information as he could on the guest’s life before he got to meet them. He was so lost in his readings, that he didn’t realize that someone had come up to him until he heard their voice.

“Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”

Aiba lifted his eyes from his phone. Sho was smiling timidly at him with his lunch box in his hands. He looked so small, Aiba thought, almost curling in on himself, teeth nervously biting at his lips, arms tightly sticking to his body, making the curve of his sloping shoulders stand out even more. Seeing that the other tables were indeed all occupied – either by things or people – Aiba nodded his assent silently, and moved his bag from the table so that the other man could sit in front of him. Sho whispered a small ‘ _thank you_ ’ before sitting down and starting to unpack his lunch.

Aiba went back to looking at his phone, fingers mindlessly scrolling down through the article he was reading, but when he found himself re-reading the same sentence for the fifth time, he finally had to admit that he had lost his focus. From time to time, his eyes couldn’t help but wander to look over at Sho, who was eating his lunch in complete silence, sometimes stealing glances in Aiba’s direction too. It was the first time that the two of them had been in such close contact since that night of five days ago, when Sho had showed up at his place drunk out of his wits, wanting to get him back. The tension between them was palpable and uncomfortable, and yet somewhere deep inside of him, Aiba still longed to be with Sho like this, and hated himself for it.

“Did you have lunch already?” Sho asked in a low voice, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

Aiba, abandoning all pretense that he was still going through his work notes, put his phone away and shook his head at him. “I’m not hungry.”

Sho seemed unsure how to reply. “Do you have a fever or something?” he said, settling for a joke.

Aiba shrugged in his chair. “I was working.”

Sho’s head tilted a bit to the side. “You do tend to get too focused on work and forget to eat sometimes,” he said, light disapproval coloring his tone. He checked his clear plastic containers, looking at their contents, opened one of them, and passed it over to him. “Here.”

“Why are you giving it to me?”

“You love _tamagoyaki_ , don’t you?” Sho said, confused.

Aiba pushed the plate away. “Sho...” he started, but he stopped and shook his head. He was tired to fight. “I have my own lunch-box, thank you.”

Sho gave him a small and deflated nod, and went back to eating without another word. Aiba leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a second. He wanted to get up and leave, maybe get some fresh air. But at the same time, it was so hard for him to actually walk away. He looked up at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong with him, why he still felt so strongly about a man who only ever hurt him. A man who kept their relationship secret for so long, and even got into an affair with a woman while they were together, just to make his parents happy. Aiba knew that he deserved so much more, and yet he still wanted Sho. 

Sho had broken his heart so many times over the years – first by ignoring him in their junior years because he was still in denial, then by refusing to tell anyone about their relationship, and then, even when he had agreed to tell some close friends at last, he still didn’t want to come out to his family. The affair, which Sho swore was never consummated, was only the straw that broke the camel’s back for Aiba – even though he believed him when Sho said there was nothing between him and the woman. 

He deserved better. He had spent so many sleepless nights with his best friend Kazama telling him that over and over again, until he convinced himself of it. He _knew_ he deserved better. Yet, his stupid, beaten-up heart only throbbed for Sho. _‘What a masochist, huh?’_ he thought.

Slowly, the chatter around them died as the staff finished their lunch and got back to work. Ohno, who was the only other person left in the room with them, was peacefully sleeping on one of the couches, taking advantage of the rare moments of quiet he would get before Jun would come back to ask him about the latest choreography. Noticing that they were as alone as they could be in that situation, Sho set aside his chopsticks over his half eaten rice and looked up at Aiba.

The tension between them was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Sho took a deep breath before speaking, and what he said after left Aiba in shock.

“I came out to my family.”

Aiba wasn’t sure that he had heard that right. Did Sho just say that he had admitted to his parents that he was gay? It couldn’t be true.

Sho waited in silence for Aiba to speak, but he couldn’t get any words out. He wanted to ask how he did it, what had happened, when did he tell them. Did his parents yell? Did his mom hug him eventually? What did his siblings think?

Instead, the only word he could get out was:

“Why?”

Sho sighed and lowered his gaze. His hands were playing with a tissue left on the table, nervously tearing it apart bit by bit. At that sight, Aiba remembered the feel of Sho’s fingers on his body when he used to play with his clothes, or his hair. He had always found Sho’s small _tap-tap_ on his skin surprisingly calming, especially when they were laying in bed and Sho would mindlessly reach for him for no reason at all, and his fingers would find their way to new spots to explore with his touch.

“You were right,” Sho said. “I had two choices: I could live a lie forever, or I could tell the truth.” He smiled bitterly down at the table. “I didn’t want to live a lie any more.”

Aiba let the immensity of this revelation wash over him. He wished he could have been there for Sho when he had finally pulled the plug. He wondered how it would have gone. Maybe Sho would have taken his hands in his in front of his parents and would have said _“mom, dad, I am in love with this man.”_ Maybe their lives would be completely different now if he had. 

“I’m happy for you, Sho-chan,” he said, truthfully.

Sho finally looked back up with a sincere, but sad smile on his face. “Thank you. My parents aren’t too thrilled about it,” he sighed. “But it’s okay. Hopefully they’ll come around.”

“I’m sure they will,” Aiba agreed.

Silence fell between them again. They both stood there awkwardly, looking at their own hands, reflecting on the weight of this revelation. After a while, Sho was the first one to speak again.

“Do you want to...”

Aiba looked up at Sho as the words died on the other man’s lips. His heartbeat picked up the pace, while his anxiety spiked up. He wasn’t ready for Sho to ask him out or to get back together now. He didn't even know if he would ever be.

“Do you want to share the _tamagoyaki_ with me?”

Sho’s hands trembled a bit as he hesitantly pushed the _tamagoyaki_ at the center of the table. He looked at Aiba expectantly, fingers tapping anxiously on the plastic container as he waited.

Aiba was relieved. His heartbeat slowed down all of a sudden, and he felt his body relax. He nodded with a small smile, and accepted the spare chopsticks Sho handed him.

Being there, sitting together and sharing food in the backstage, Aiba felt like he and Sho had never broken up in the first place. He let himself relish the feeling of happiness he got when he saw the other man get overexcited at how good the food was, and laughed along as they fought for the last piece of _tamagoyaki_. It was going to take a while, Aiba thought as he got up to get his own lunch-box so they could have a go at a second serving, but he finally realized that maybe one day his heart would heal.


End file.
